Wednesday, 27 April 2016

can't she her go

I am sitting on class with rest of my classmates nd yes she is also there ..  .

as the time for break come I just put my head down on desk and teacher start taking attendance and after that the teacher leave the class and the students too started leaving class because it is break time...... but I am sitting on my seat my head down nd suddenly when I move my head up to see whether all the students leave , I see her coming towards me....I dont know how she understand that , but whatever make her do that make me feel good ..

there was so many things or I can say so much to say which I think if I got a couple of hours or infinite time this never goona end because I know one thing lead to other and it contiue and time will never be sufficient. .....

so where was I .... yes ......

she was there and just came nd sit next to me .... she doesn't speak and so do I ( but there was a lot talk going on my mind) ... I am just watching her sit next to me and in one moment she saw me nd make her eyebrow up ( a gesture to ask what ) .. i have so much to say but i just want her to do the talking nd just want to listen  (though maybe I will not focus on her words but only on her voice )   becoz I just need that wave that just came from her because it make me comfortable... ( yeah that's all I need) ... she understand that and break the silence nd start talking.....

after some minutes she saw I am just listening ( but in my eye she can see that I am not at all interested in her words ) ..... she just slap on my hand to wake me up ( or maybe she just like what I am doing because there is a simile on her face while she does that ) .....

Then  I break my silence because I remember something .....

I said to her go to hostel nd eat ur medicine ( she Is having , in just simple way fever)..... ( although I am not happy by saying that and I start hoping to get  reaction in which she also dont want to go but I can't ignore something like that ..... but I want her to come as soon as she can)

she stand up and started leaving .... ( but my mind doesn't understand that and make me feel worse why u said her to leave..)

with every step she take to go out of class my mind made me feel worse nd worse..

Then I don't know what make me shout her name  ( I think I just CANT SHE HER GO)

I shout her name in a gentel way and she take a about turn and saw me ...

she I think understand that I don't want her to leave ( or maybe what my mind want from her to do...... it happen like that , sometime we just want that other person should do something  or understand which we don't want to say but want it to be happen , ) . so she stop but within few seconds of seeing her i make her a gesture of hand to leave because what i wanted was acheive d ( to see her before leaving and to make my mind satisfy which is already given me so much to see her go) ...

After that I put my head down nd just sit nd continue my sleep ( or maybe dream or thoughts ) ....... :-)  :-)  :-)

-- Prateek Kumar agarwal ( thats me ;-) )

Wednesday, 20 April 2016

I don't know why

In day to day life  There are lot of things we want to say , there a lot of things we want that other person should knw or feel about but circumstances or the reply we want cant be always what we expected. .. nd this is all what make  a difference on what we think nd due to that many things left remain unsiad.....

the same happen with me too currently there is a lot of things I am thinking aboutthat tommorow I will say ,I will say that nd if she reply the way I excepted ( or mind excepted) .. thats all my dreamy thinking....
so here it goona be started ( I am telling what will be happen in future tommorow that my mind is making ) ......

I think we will not get time or chnce to talk till our break after 2 lecture of morning nd till that time I will be just sitting in lecture physically but mentally on what I will be saying to her in  break ....

now there are two paradox which can happen on my future tommorow. ..

1>  (  paradox my happen that maybe she will sit with me in those first two lectures nd something happens that make my mood change or like that )

2> ( another paradox my happen that anyone of my classmate say something nd distrub my mind )

but If it continues like what I am dreaming or thinking about without any paradox happening I will get 20 min break to talk to her...

so where I am going to start .... now thats the problem becoze whatever we think or want to say , on that very momemts that all depend on the circumstance but still my mind just cant stop thinking. ...

maybe I will ask her what image she has on her mind about me  ( this question is due to all past experience or past talk we have or time spent.... nd I need to know what she had in her mind)

and I will give her some hint like do u think I like u or do u think I am not talking to u like we before do or u think that i just think a lot nd just stup nd get lost ( i hope she dont say that but I really need to know ) or u think I am just a mental person ( paglu ) like that...

before saying all this I know I will say something like , there was something , I don't know where to start or should I say or not ... like all this rubbish things....

but whatever she reply I dont know what whats goona be the next part but what I need to tell I am writing here , that doesn't matter If I will say or not , I just need to take it out in best way I can do ( I.e. writing it ).

I want to say , I dont know is it normal or not but I think a lot about you... whenver we dont talk it feel like that something is left in college nd my whole body want that tommorow comes really fast nd I can see u again nd say something. .....

I dont know why but whenever you shake hand with me nd do the same with some other peson I feel like I am also like that person to u.... this doesnt happen for handshake but many more things like the fun u do with me or if u talk the same way with other I feel like that...

I don't know why but whenever I see towards u In hope or just want u to say hiii or just the way u make ur eyebro up .... but dont get any response like that I started feeling low or like is something happen or I start getting irritated tooo....

I dont know why but whenever I say these  things like I need to talk to u or tell u something like this I feel cheap becoz i never listen this things from u so It made me feel why the hell I am thinking all that...

I dont know why but whenver these all thing happen I started ignoring or start talking as much less I can  becoz I fear may be if this things happen  i will start feeling all that again nd i It will again come to square one ... i know u dont have any intension or u even dont know thats happening ( but that's the most worst feeling that u dont know )

I dont know whether I will get a chance to say all this or even I can say this...

I don't know what will be her reaction nd what she think about me after listening this but I just dont want her to have any wrong image of me or think anything rubbish about me

I myself don't know what was all that but maybe the best way to know is by her only....

-- Prateek Kumar agarwal ( thats me ;-) )

Tuesday, 19 April 2016

Random thought ( 7 )

Everyone can learn but not by the same way or method nd not on the same time...
-- Prateek Kumar agarwal ( thats me ;-) )

Monday, 18 April 2016

Random thought ( 6 )

Every search begins with beginner's luck. And every search ends with the victor's being severely tested
-- Paulo Coelho (The Alchemist )

Sunday, 17 April 2016

17 April, 2016

The day doesn't start on good note....
I wake up late becoz the ring to alaram doesn't reach my ear nd due to that I myself wakeup at 5:30 am instead of 5:00. This all happen becoz my bro close the alaram as it ring.....
but there is no worry becoz today is holiday of college so I dont get late or anything like that. ..
After that I continue may workout seesion with last almost 50 min.
the diet which I took today in morning really make me feel that my daily dose is really increase ....
I eat 3 bannana ( where else it was tough for me to even eat 2 ) with 1 bowl of milk nd cornflak with some of almonds nd 2 slice of brown bread.
yeah it was really a nice dose which I eat .
Till that clock has reach 8:00 am nd I dont what i done in another 2 hour becouz now I show clock there is 10:00 am on it which make me surprised that did I become still or time just make a really fast run.. whatever....
today to get my body a tough look I put oil over it and rub my hole body ( in hindi its called malish) ....  then go for bath to remove lazziness nd this oil too....
yes I really feel my skin glow now....
during mid day I took scooty nd get out for ride ... it was really hot outside but after taking a half an hour ride I return...
Now the tension of ppt started again but I don't feel like doing it... nd I start watching naruto series with my sister nd time sweep very fast but still no feel of ppt....
but as time come to 8:00 automatically i stood up nd start working on ppt... ( becoz my mind know this was too late to ignore since I need to give seminar tommorow) .
completed my ppt and a feeling of realaxation come within...
today I eat a lot nd may be due to that my stomach is upset now....
then after taking dinner I get to sleep
today was not the best day but hope tommorow gonna be better

-- Prateek Kumar agarwal ( thats me ;-) )

Random thought ( 5 )

when life knock us down  it depends on us to choose whether to back down or not
- from movie ( The karate kid)

Saturday, 16 April 2016

16 April, 2016

today also start with a good note .
As the alaram rang on 5:00 am i got up nd get fresh nd put my shoe nd leave house for jogging nd continue the same time period of yesterday becoz it will take some time for body to adpate . after 15 min I return nd start doing workout which last aprox 40  min.... After that I became somewhat lazy nd get to bed but dont sleep just hanging on bed nd after doing what I always regreat after its done I loose to wakup from from bed nd  just sleep... but that didnt make my mental state bad.... exercise is making me sleep nd some other things too...
After I wakeup I feel real hungry so I eat some of chapatti nd also got a message from dad that I need to go to somewhere .. so around 1:00 pm I get a bath to remove my laziness and it get away too...
then I feel great becoz after that I went towards my book and get a step forward becoz I dont only open book but read a topic also ... that make me feel good becoz I am not feeling to study that time but even I studied .... but I need to improve it becoz no longer I will feel happy about just opening the book...
After that I dress up to go out of house on maa scooty nd mid way I pickup dad for the  place dad told me about to go.....
we had great lunch there and on return I drop dad to his office nd get to home.. ( I feel great I learnt to ride scooty nd now I am able to take him on it without falling)..
Another thing  that make me feel great is that I didn't get lazy to make my ppt for presentation on college seminar.... ( I know that becoz every time i do this work on last day nd get a lot of tension so yes i feel great nd nice about myself)..
Dad nd mom need to do go  to attend some community function so there was a discussion about who goona go with them becoz It will be late on returning from there.. . ( I have no problem on going but on scooty I dont know why but u can understand that when one learn new thing they become a habitual of it ).... finally it was decided that mom nd dad are going.
after they gone I feel litte bored so I start watching movie ( the revenant ) .... in staring I got sleepy but afterwards it seem interesting ... just  30  min movie left nd mom nd dad arrived nd need to close the computer before they see ( u now they will think i didn't go becoz I need to watch movie or all that stuff parents say )....
but don't woory that part I will be seeing tommorow. ...
nd after doing some chitchat with mom I get to bed around 11:00 pm ...
today  was better nd hope tommorow will be more

-- Prateek Kumar agarwal ( thats me ;-) )

Friday, 15 April 2016

15 April, 2016

The day start with a very good note....
Alarm set for 5 am ring on time and as the tone of alarm reach my ear within a sec I jump off my bed (  its been a while I wake up In single time without yawning or covering my face with blanket ) ....
becoz I know that from today the challenge which I set up should be meet...
as soon as I wake up I dress up with my sports shoe nd  ready myself to start my first exercise day ( after a long gap)...
within 15 min. I get out of house for runining and return soon ( since I am not in that much habbit but I will soon )...
then in home workout started which take total of 40 min with meditation at last.
I feel great after workout becoz it bring energy and make me feel alive and active..
then started my search for a healthy diet plan on net becoz exercise nd diet are equally important. ...
dont get  much information but still know that I need to eat more than I normally eat, nd what I did in my breakfast ..
today is religious day so I need to go to temple with family so I need to get ready . In mean while I also feel great becoz I am less lazy becoz I am doing all the work mom says without ignoring or say no to them...
time came to visit temple and it was great .... there is a natural wave in religious places.
returning home we all take a walk from temple to home which make me a little tired ... so as soon we reach home I hit the bed i just sleeped....
after waking up there a lot of things to do but something just divert me from that nd I just get a mislead on my path and it continues but controlling that I contiue may work and in evening I dont lost my hope of studies becoz I took the book and sit down to study although I didn't but after so many days just having a feeling of focus is good ....
the time for dinner came nd there also I dont get lazy do some of my mom work...
today went well as compared to what the past days were .... feel great nd somewhat satisfied ( but I need to remove somewhat and make it completely satisfied)...
soon time will come..
hope next day will bring more. ....

-- Prateek Kumar agarwal ( thats me ;-) )

Thursday, 14 April 2016

Random thought ( 4 )

Frndship is all about giving without expecting anything in return.....
-- Prateek Kumar agarwal ( thats me ;-) )

At last she know

This is a temporary... after few year path will be different.... I know the truth but still it hurtssss..
I regret why it happen but I think it suppose to happen like that..
Whenever the things that want to be said  nd it remained unsaid nd it cant reach the person it feel really bad.
I think In last what's goona remain to be left is memories of sweet nd bitter....
What I ask is just that it should reach so atlast I know that SHE KNOW
-- Prateek Kumar agarwal ( thats me ;-) )

Pattern of Life

Life is not the same everyday .... some time it could be the best day nd maybe just another day won't be the best but worst.... so life is like these in past also nd will be like this in future also . It will not change its patterns so it depend on every individual that how they react .... Even In bad times just know that pattern gonna repeat so chill yaar .... yeah it is tough but if hope was there u will never loose.... because just as u know PATTERN GOONA REPEAT

DOn't regreat

Whenever anyone want help they can ask dont urself think that why that person is in problem...... it can be like that some other factors affecting there mood so dont make  assumptions by urself.
Dont think of the things that havent occured till now becoz it is not like that which we r making things to go in future will always goes that way so why to give ur mind load of future just enjoy the way life is currently going...whatever happen face it nd why always to think which even doesn't happened till. Whenver u start thinking dont let it take over u becoz when u go in deep nd make it interesting u feel to think more about it so go deep... shake ur mind
Nd even if something happens in present nd u think I can undo it or I can say something else In that time so current stiuation will be different .... just relax u cant change it nd dont regreat for that becoz it may be like that u havent relaize that situation that time becoz of which u havent responsed welll.
Nd If u feel  that it may affect  another dont do that just put ur point and baki sab bad me jaye just dont regreat for that later even if u havent .... but start saying thats what is needed

-- Prateek Kumar agarwal ( thats me ;-) )

Random thought ( 3 )

First accept who u r nd then try for how u needed to be accepted as
-- Prateek Kumar agarwal ( thats me ;-) )

Random thought ( 2 )

Life is tough when people make it nd it becomes tougher when we accept what they make for us
-- Prateek Kumar agarwal ( thats me ;-) )

Random thought ( 1 )

I dont like to be one of them ... I like to be THE ONLY ONE

-- Prateek Kumar agarwal ( thats me ;-) )